Going Wireless

And I'm not talking about computers or phones. Me and the little fella are now totally wireless. He is breathing on his own, and totally unattached to any oxygen tanks and I am now a pump-free momma. After a little work on transitioning, he has given up bottles, making feeding time a lot less work for me. Being off the oxygen means we can walk anywhere without hooking into another tank. Beckett already seems to love being around everybody all the time and not just hanging out upstairs. It felt strange at first to wander outside of that 3 foot radius that the tubing allowed! Needless to say, I am THRILLED on both counts. He is doing great, healthy and gaining weight just fine...currently at 8 1/2 lbs. Today was his due date, which seems crazy to me, since he's already been with us for almost 7 weeks. It seems ages ago already that we were in the hospital. He's been a real trooper through all of this and we are so grateful to have him as a part of our family. We still have some restrictions...no kiddo visitors, and no going anywhere indoors where there are lots of people. Going outside is okay though, thank goodness.
Sometimes I look at him and think, I can't believe he's here...! There are some amusing things about babies that I'd forgotten about that Beckett has reminded me of...

• I love sweet sleepy baby grins.
• I love sweet sleepy baby chuckles:)
• I love the cute little grunty noises lil' Beck makes. (When you stroke his head, he sighs and grunts on cue, he's very vocal!)
  
• I love soft baby feet.
• I love the way he smells.
  
• I love the downy feather soft baby hair.
• It cracks me up when he tries to eat. When he's searching around, he looks like an angry, one-eyed pirate. Then he finds the food, and he's like a scary, starving pirhana. The urgency is hilarious.
• Projectile poop. I swear I don't remember this one with Asher. If you're timing is off, watch out!
• The incalculable fountain of pee. It could happen any time and go anywhere. Ah, little boys. Again, timing is everything.
• The absolute peace on a sleeping baby's face.
• I love snuggling with my sweet Beckett. He nuzzles as close as he can then falls asleep, happy as can be. Love it!
  

Bath time (still with the O2). We're still trying to convince him that bath time is fun!

Since my blogging is lagging a little, I'll just post some pics to do a quick update!

Pics with G-ma and pa Reitz while still in the hospital.

Pics with G-ma and pa Pettit when they were visiting a week or so ago.

My boys...

(This one was at the zoo...one of the few things we can go and do until May-ish. All the flowers are blooming!)

P.S. This is a picture of a beautiful and delicious cake that my friend Melissa made for us...so cute!

At Home

I am relieved to be able to say that our Beckett has finally come home. We were expecting at least a 4 week stay, and were pleasantly surprised when the Doctors told us he could come home after nearly 3 weeks. Bringing him home hasn't been without it's stresses though. He came home on oxygen, which is helping him to thrive until he can do a little better on his own. The idea of having him hooked up to a tank all day gave me anxiety at first, but we're slowly getting the hang of it and are adjusting to a newborn with baggage. It could be much worse though, and I'd rather have him here than in the NICU any day. He's getting bigger too...already he's up to 7 lbs. 5 oz. and gaining. Asher was thrilled that he was finally able to meet his new little brother. Asher's first comments were: "Look Mom, look, He came out!" (As if I didn't know this part...so funny), he also said that "Buckett" needs milk and toys. What a very intuitive brother he is already. It's been a bit crazy trying to keep Asher at a safe distance though...a healthy, term newborn would be tricky enough, but a premature newborn is even harder. My 3 year old petri dish means well, but its hard for me not to try to keep him from grabbing his hands and kissing his cheeks. All in all, we are adjusting, doing well, and enjoying our new family of 4. Having all my boys home and under the same roof is such a treat.

One extra bonus during all this craziness is that Corey took the BAR exam. Studying for the thing was a nightmare for all of us. He was gone all day long studying like mad, and we are SO relieved it's done. I can't imagine how difficult it must have been for him to focus on the exam with all the delivery and baby issues going on. What a trooper. And I love having him as a dad and husband at night instead of a student. I don't think I actually knew what I was missing until now, which is probably a good thing. Beckett's initials spell out B.A.R., which is NOT the reason we named him what we did, but it was kind of a fun coincidence, so we let it be. It will be a little reminder of some of what was going on when Beckett was born.
Asher has been what I would consider a totally normal 3 year old under our current circumstances, which equates to him being sometimes naughty and trying. We are doing a LOT of "time out." It's as if his vocabulary tripled overnight and he is a little grown-up. The other day he said to me, "Hellooooo mom, do you hear me?" Huh? What's with the attitude?! I guess he's got a mind of his own and he is asserting that. Sometimes I am just trying not to laugh while disciplining him and playing authoritative mom. He also looks HUGE to me now that Beckett is home. Funny how your perspective changes.

All the boys at home together.


Asher was fascinated by Beckett's little feet.


I think Ash would spend all day doing this if I let him, but I'm still too protective!
He sure does love his lil' bro.


Chubby cheeks chillin' on Dad.

P.S. I have so many amazing friends who have helped me out (and are continuing to do so!) throughout all of this. A few of my fabulous pals sent this to our family a few days back. Chocolate covered anything is the perfect way to make someone's day. Might I add that they tasted especially delicious at 2:30 in the morning. Mmmmm. Thanks so much, we loved them!

Welcome to the World

Last Saturday, I woke up and had a strange feeling. My first thought was: Hmmm, wait a minute, was that a contraction? When it was followed by a steady succession, I tried the old drinking water, laying on my left side, taking a Tylenol trick. They slowed to 15 minutes or so apart and I called the doctor just to let them know. He figured I was okay and that if they got close together to go ahead and come in. I was positive all was fine, and to be honest it didn't stress me out a bit.
When they kicked in again, Corey and I headed down just to be safe. Again, I was calm and SO sure we weren't going to have a baby that day. The doctor checked me out, said my cervix had thinned, but he thought I'd likely go at least another 1-2 weeks. Even if you are having contractions, they have meds that will stop it, right?
First try: They gave me a shot of Turbutaline, the first thing they try to stop em. The nurse told me they'd stay away for at least an hour, maybe two. They were back in 45 minutes. They tried this again, and they were only gone for about 40 minutes. I started worrying a little more. Hmmm, now what?
Second try: A magnesium sulfate drip. There's a reason this isn't the first thing they try. It involves an IV, and is not pleasant stuff. Anyone who's had it will tell you. They gave me some with Asher too, but was knocked out from the general anesthesia, so I didn't remember it much. It's job is to knock em dead. By this time, it slowed them, but they were persistent and kept right on coming anyway. I started worrying now that I might be having a baby that night after all.
So, the doctor gave up since my contractions were more stubborn than the drugs were strong. I had totally planned on having another C-section, but the doctor thought I should consider doing it the old fashioned way, so we decided to go for it after all. The first thing I asked for was my epidural. I've heard too many stories about people missing the "window" and I wasn't interested in a natural birth. Getting them here is hard enough for us, so excessive pain doesn't intrigue me much.
To my surprise, it wasn't too bad, and I only had to push for 30 minutes or so. Corey was a real champ through all of this. After all of our deliveries, he has become a pro at rolling with the punches, but he's never been able to be present for a live birth, so this was such an amazing experience for us. He was so sweet, cheering me along and telling me how great I was doing...it makes me get teary eyed just thinking about it. We just haven't had the normal experiences with this stuff at all, and this will be a memory I will always cherish.
Just after 2 am on Sunday, our Beckett came out crying, relieving me at least a little. They held him up so we could see him, then whisked him through a door to the NICU. We found out later he was 5 lbs. 5 oz., 19 1/4 inches long, a big boy for his "age." I shudder to think what he might have weighed if I'd gone full term. He has a fair amount of hair, and pretty chubby cheeks for a preemie.
So, I am now a milk pumping machine, making my special deliveries a couple times a day to the hospital. Me and my pump are good pals, day and night. We are looking forward to bringing Beckett home, and we are hoping for 4 weeks or less. The nurses call little guys like ours "Wimpy White Boys." Apparently caucasian males are the weakest and take the longest to mature (for the record, girls do amazingly well, ...no surprise there!). At 33 weeks, his biggest issue is breathing on his own, which he does, but needs help and machines to make sure he doesn't forget. He's gone from the C-PAP machine to a nasal canula, but his heart rate still drops sometimes which totally freaks me out. They're feeding him through a tube and he's doing well with that so far. All things considered, it's going well.

Asher won't officially meet him until he comes home because he's under 10 and its RSV season, so they are VERY strict. He's a little confused, but we are hoping some pictures will suffice for now. Can't wait for him to come home!

Welcome to the world Beckett Andrew Reitz!

His entourage

It seems as though most kids have a security item of one kind or another, be it blankies, binkies, or a stuffed animal. I know I had one of those soft blankets with the satin edging as a kid and I adored that thing. As a baby, Asher didn't get attached to anything in particular, which was both good and bad. Good because I didn't have to search the house for a needle in a haystack before bed every night, bad because there was not a special trick I could use to calm him down.
Throughout the past year, however, he has slowly been accumulating several such items. First, there is the "white pillow." This is an all satin, white, baby-ish mini pillow with his name embroidered on it. We had it in his crib, then he insisted on sleeping on it when we moved him to the toddler bed. His fingers have always found their way to an open seam, which he sticks his fingers into. Next, there's "puppy." He has been a favorite friend for a while now too. He's a bean-bag type of stuffed animal; also on the small side. There was a time when I was cutting out paper dog bones for him so that Dion (our real dog) could have his bones back. Lastly, there is "elephant" (he just hasn't gotten too creative with names yet). He is the most recent addition and was acquired during a recent trip to the Hogle Zoo. Collectively, these three are referred to as "the buddies."
The buddies have become very important. Every morning when he pads into my room, they are with him...all of them. If they aren't with him, he immediately goes right back, returning with his arms full. Sometimes he will leave them with me for a short time while he goes and does something else...I get to babysit. He talks to them. When Puppy bites him, we have to put him in "time out." Puppy played CandyLand with us recently, and he had to move his own piece. He tried to get me to let White Pillow play a game of Memory, and I had to draw the line. W.P. doesn't even have an arm, how was that going to work?
The real problems come at bedtime. Inevitably, one of the three are always MIA. Asher lays in his bed chanting,"I want my Puppy" or whatever buddy happens to have gone missing. Once found, ah, silence and peace. The worst is how somehow in the middle of the night, he'll wake up missing one of them. I'm not sure if he somehow takes inventory in his sleep, but he always knows if one has left the nest. If one's missing, they might as well all be missing.
So, Asher and his Buddies are a common sight these days, and it totally cracks us up. What a funny phase. And it's probably a good thing for him to have his comfort items...all three of them.

In my room

One would think that laying around in bed all day would lend itself to deep thoughts, self realization and an unlimited amount of time to blog. I have done none of these things. It's hard to find something to write about when you feel like you are doing next to nothing (besides making a human being, of course). I spend my days doing a lot of reading, a little shopping (what would I do without the internet), figuring out how to use my new camera, and learning French. The camera is like a big tease, making me want to jump up and run downstairs, or (dare I say it) outside to try it out! These four walls that surround me all day offer very little as far as photo subjects are concerned.
My poor Asher has been a good sport about the whole thing, but I think it's been a little hard on him. It breaks a little piece of my heart when he grabs my hand and asks me to come play trains with him, and I say I can't right now. We do have our fun playing games, computer games and reading books, but he's such a high energy kid that I fear he's a little on the bored side most of the time.
Corey's mom, Claudia has been kind enough to be our "caretaker" for a while, which has been a really huge help to all of us. We appreciate her time and effort and willingness to serve us during this time when we are so in need. Heaven knows we couldn't do this without her. I just hope we don't burn her out. Taking care of a busy 3 year old, a pregnant lady on bedrest and her son who is studying for the BAR exam can't be all that easy.
I have my snappy, irritated, I've-lost-all-control-of-my-life moments and I make comments about things that are really insignificant (ie..."that's not the kind of toothpaste I wanted"). I think if I was taking care of someone like me I would just shove the food through a flap door and run (think prison in the Chateau d'If in the Count of Monte Cristo) for fear of some random pregnancy and hormone induced retaliation. At least that's what I feel like inside at times, and hopefully I am handling this better on the surface. I'd hate to scare away loved ones and friends.
In all honesty most days are okay. Long, but fine. Strangely, the weeks seem to be going by fast, but the days are crawling. I find some comfort in knowing we'll look back on this couple of months and shrug our shoulders and sigh.
I am so excited to bring this little guy home, safe and healthy, so I'll do what needs to be done without a doubt. I know what a miracle it is for every baby to enter this world, and I feel lucky to be able to have that chance at all.
And so, I will continue my "restful" period, knowing that it will be over with before I know it. By then I'll wish I could have some of this down time stashed away for all the midnight feedings and sleepless nights still to come. Ah, well, the grass is always greener, right?

Miracles do happen

After finding out about my cervix that was once again not doing it's job (keeping the baby safely inside), we were inundated with help. I've been able to focus on being a professional incubator, while friends swooped in to help with Asher. To keep me laying down and totally inactive, these amazing friends have even been serving me breakfast and lunch(sounds great, but it's a little weird when you feel fine). Fantastic dinners have been showing up at our door as well, which has been a huge relief to Corey who is studying for the Bar Exam, as well as making sure we are all doing OK. I'm hoping Corey isn't paying too much attention to the superiority of all the good food, lest the bar be raised to high for me post baby. Uh-oh. We have been taken care of, served and loved without ever asking and I am astounded by it all. We are so thankful for all the kindness and help we're receiving! And Asher's never had so much fun. He kisses my cheek and excitedly waves good-bye.
Earlier in the week, we had a very nerve wracking, much anticipated follow-up appointment to the shocker last week. I'd been very strict (again, thanks to all the help) to stay down all week. Just before the ultrasound, the nurse practitioner who was seeing us did say that sometimes you can get a little length back although not always, which was a shock to us since we thought that was an impossibility and that it could only get worse. She checked me out, and she and the tech assisting her could not believe what they were seeing, and double checked to be sure before giving us the news. I gained back 1.8 cm in that week, and I could tell by their reactions that this was not a normal occurrence (I think they used the words "Whoa!!" and "Super Cervix"). Corey and I were stunned and thrilled. I was told to keep doing exactly what I'm doing, and that they'd check again in a week. By the time we made it to the car (for me via wheelchair, Corey thinks he's a rickshaw driver) we were both near tears from the news. If nothing else, we've been given a huge dose of hope and faith, and enough time for Beckett to grow a little more. I am overwhelmed with gratitude for all the support, thoughts, fasting and prayers we've received, and I am certain that what we saw at the appointment this week was nothing short of a miracle.

A few of the ultrasound images from a few weeks back. I still think it's amazing what technology can show us. The ultrasound techs at the last few visits have told us he has chubby cheeks and a bunch of hair. We'll see!

Baby News

Baby boy Reitz now has a name! Well, at least a first one. We've decided to name him Beckett. Corey and Asher wore me down weeks ago, calling him by name every chance they got. I have issues with picking a name too quick, knowing that the name we pick is one that will be his for the rest of his life! It was just about the only one we had both liked, but, again, the finality of it was too much too fast for me, so it took a while. Asher actually calls him "Baby Bucket, " which still makes me laugh.

About 2 weeks ago we had some great news about our baby and my pregnancy. Our little guy was measuring in the 80th percentile for growth and everything looked great as far as he was concerned. They also checked out how the cerclage was holding up, and it looked even better than expected, which put me at ease and increased my optimism tenfold. We were much less worried over the holidays because of our fantastic checkup. We also have a few fantastic 3-D/4-D images they sent us home with (I'll post those later). He is such a little cutie already!

A few days ago, I had another appointment with the perinatologists to see how things were going (it's been 2 weeks since our last stellar visit). Again, baby looks great. We did get some pretty bad news though. My cerclage is still in place, but this time I've lost over 2 centimeters, and if I lose another 1/2 centimeter in length, then I'll be hospitalized. My days of sitting around trying to take it easy are over and I've been put on bedrest for real. The immediate goal is 30 weeks and I'm doing my best to get there first. For my appointments, they've even insisted on my riding in a wheelchair to and from the office. We knew this sort of scenerio could be a possibility, but things had been going so smoothly that we had pretty much discounted that it would.

So, we are mentally preparing ourselves for what may come much sooner than expected. We are so excited to meet our Beckett, but we would much rather wait until he's had more time to be ready to meet us. Every day counts, and we are praying that we have many more ahead of us before he arrives.